Painfully embarrassing personal encounters in the world of squash part 1

What you are about to witness are based on true stories

- The first time I played Aisling Blake, I grabbed her tit (I was reaching for the ball)

- The first time I trained with Geoff Hunt, I wanted to be nice to the old man and hit mostly floaters and high 3 wall boasts. After the session he said, you re playing well but your boasts are shit. Then we played another game and he knocked my front tooth out

- First time going out with Borja Golan he decides to jump out of the taxi on the highway and do the worm 3 times in between cars

- First time I met Peter Nicol, he was passed out drunk on a bean bag

- First time I met David Palmer (As previously mentioned) He was chasing me out of a toilet with my pants on my ankles

- First time going to the sauna with Wee Wern Low. It was a naked sauna. I didnt know. I was the only one in there with shorts on #awkwardcity

- First time I met Piedro Schweertman he had hair

- First time I met Peter Creed he was short

- First time I played Line Hansen I accidentally "swaffled" her (Have a dutchie translate)

- First time playing Sebastiaan Weenink he farted in the back left corner and played all balls in that corner for 2 rallies

- First time I met Shawn Delierre he tried to steal my girl

- First time I met Gilly Lane, he stole my girl

- First time meeting the Pilley brothers ended up in a 4am Shoarma party

- First time meeting Liz Irving I spent awkwardly long asking why she didnt have a husband

- First time meeting Nicol David we had a good hit and a nice chat

- First time I went out with Arthur Gaskin we chased the rainbow and found a pot o gold (A bar at the end of the road) (Where he btw sang "A whole lotta love" better than Led Zep themselves... or maybe thats the pot o gold speaking)

- First time I met Paul Coll I didnt undestand a single word he said. Probably because he just flew in from Krypton and didnt learn human language yet

- First debut for the national team I get both front teeth knocked out and a cut lip making me look like Bubba from Forrest Gump. Im toothless all week and the only person I meet by accident at the airport before getting them fixed is my 3 year high school crush.....

- My first international tournament I ended up taking a dump in the Czech Republic (s teams appartments mailbox)

- The first time I met Ramy Ashour he was wrestling his brother naked

- The first time I played Simon Rosner I took 1 point

- The first time I met Nicholas Muller I bought him a chocolate bar

- The first time I partied with Gregory Gaultier he stole my drink. Then he stole my girl. Then he stole my second drink. Then he stole my second girl (remember these are still true stories!!!!)

- The first time I met LJ was in a bar. The second time I met LJ was in a bar. The third time I met LJ was in a bar. Fourth time we met we had a hit. Then we went to the bar

- First time playing Peter Barker my best friend was watching (thinking I was the best player there was) After a severe loss, my friend bought all the drinks and meals that night feeling sorry for me losing to a club player. 6 months later he saw posters of Pete all around London and all of a sudden wanted those 7 beers back.

- First time I got refereed by John Massarella I did not find him through the match but I heard his voice

- First time I met Stewart Boswell he promised me dinner. He never made it.

- Last time I saw Adrian Grant he was standing in a suit watching 4 of us skinny dip in the mediterranean.....

- The first time I met Joe Lee I denied him access to his own hotel room

- First time I met Kashif Shuja I stole his girl

Put the middle finger up

Any athlete knows that the greatest fuel to the fire is someone telling you that you cant do it.

You get a cocktail of anger/stubborness/grit/Immashutyouuphater kinda sensation through your bones

"No one recovers from ME" "Its a chronic condition" "You will have to live with it" "You will never play squash on any level again"

- Well fuk you, then I will do the opposite of what you tell me

After 2 years of research I have found the cure. Although there are many subcategories of ME, I found what works for me. Its a long process and it requires a dicipline of that of a top athlete. I need to remove all factors of stress in life. That is not easy post 2000s

But now, 2 years after and going from not being able to walk stairs, to playing my first tournament today, I am making great steps forward and looking very positively to the future.

It is not a PSA tournament or anything of that level. It is the club championship at my local club that I won 3 years ago. At the moment I am at a level where I can play 2 times a week with B players, so it should be a perfect step to see what my body can manage. I will have to play 4 matches in a day which is quite extreme for my body even though all the matches will not be hard. I just have to listen to my body and retire if needed. Hopefully it all goes well.

I also signed up for the national championships in Norway in January. No expectations offcourse, but mostly just to play again and to see all my friends again. Its sad how you lose contact with so many people when you dont play anymore.

If things go well I have a distant goal to make the team  for the european champoinships around march/april carried on a cloud of hope, grit, determination, muscle memory and middle fingers

What experience and time away from my sport has taught me

I can give you a different story every time you ask me, what is experience.

Naturally, as a squash player, I now refer to experience in sports.

And now, even though I was a late bloomer (starting squash at 16) I still have some years under my belt, and I filled those 10 years with a lot of squash and sqiuash travels. I am not the young buck anymore. I am no longer the underdog. I am no longers the talent (never was actually). I am no longer the junior. I now have juniors chasing me, which is a weird feeling. Luckily none of them beat me yet ;) hehe

The last year, being forced to take time away from practicing the sport I love, I have been working a lot mentally, with breaking everything down. I take inspiration from the greats such as Matthew, Ashour and Willstrop amongst others who have been longer periods away from the sport injured, but has come back greater, stronger and better than before. What does that mean? What did they do while they were gone?

I do not know for sure, I can only guess. But this is my experience.

- Time away will give you fresh motivation
- It makes you look at your sport from a different angle. You will look at the bigger picture. You will look up, instead of down on your small goal you are working on at the moment.
- Its easier to realize why you started the sport in the first place.

I think its good for any athlete to take a prolonged "holiday" like this, but no one will, in this 10 000 hr rule society, where only the ones that work the hardest, sweat the most and bleed the game will succeed. Still, time and time again, I see athletes coming back stronger after injury and time off. The problem is that I think it kind of HAVE to be forced. If not you will not come out of the "zone" that traps you inside the game.

Now, the point was....

Experience if you would ask me today, would be the realization on how to maximize potential in a time where I did not. I spent the better of 5 years hacking away at my weaknesses. The first 5 years, I enjoyed the game and I tried to play as much as possible to catch up with the rest of squash Norway where they played years longer than me. The latter part of my career I tried to fix a broken technique, with less success. I tried to move more efficiently around the court, by moving slower, since I tend to over rush my movement and therefore overrun the ball.

None of this worked out. I understood I needed to take a step back to take 2 steps forward, but it was too difficult. I realized now that if I rather would hav buildt up under my strength, I would have reached longer than I did in my professional career. I am a physical player. I am strong, fast and have a nice deaf touch on the ball, well used for drops and lobs. For a long time, I would rather spend my time, trying to hit the ball harder and harder on the backhand side, especially the volley. I tried to match the top boys  in training by moving slower. No need to mention. That failed.

What got me my norwegian titles was my strengths, not my weaknesses. What produced my best performances in the European Championships was my fitness and focus. Everytime I was obsessed with minor details of what I could not do... I failed.

With mentally fighting to push a 300kg Rock uphill, it took its toll and it burned me out. motivation = gone, fun=gone ...blah*

It only took me 13 years to realize that I could rather roll that stone around the hill. Rather use my strengths instead of my weknesses. Just the mere realization of this made me happier and more relaxed.

On top of this, there are tactics and gameplans I have been working on with my coach that has simmered and slow cooked like a nice beef stroganoff in my head. I feel I have a better understanding of it all and the game as a whole. I am now just looking to get healthy again so I can put it all to life. The big question is if my body and personal life will allow it. That was what pulled me out of squash to begin with. You never know what curveballs life will throw at you.

BUT

I had my first hit in a long time at Squashcity (Where Nicol sneaked a few inches off the tin since last time) where I did not feel sick after. I did not have any setbacks these few weeks, so it is looking up :)

Take away message: Its not all about focusing on your weaknesses and lesser sides of yourself. It is important to be aware of them. But treat yourself to look at your positives ones in a while. See why you are great. What makes you better than the rest. What got you where you are. Draw the confidence from it, highlight it and enjoy it :)

Happiness?

The worst thing about this whole EBV/CFS/ME/PVF/PEM abbreviation hell I've been going through the last 18 months is not the physical aspect.

You would imagine an athlete in one of the most challenging sports in the world, whos strength is being able to play 3 matches per day and be fit enough to win the final on Sunday, would feel horrified by struggling to walk stairs. And yes, it sucks to be sick for 2 months only after walking 3 flights of stairs. But, ok. Thats reality. The new reality. Adapt.

It took 8 months before my metabolism dropped. By then I had lost 5 kgs of muscle. After this, the burger belly started showing. So did the 5 kgs I lost, only this time it was fat. The infamous "Daddy belt" which I swore I would never see.

Around this time (not because I was getting fat) I faced my greatest challenge....... my head. It was not because I missed playing, being out of the game and just wanting to do something I couldn't. I missed out on several national and international championships, and that did not feel good, but I physically couldn't, so I accepted it.

I think the problem was that I have been used to sporting all day every day sice I was 4 years old. I had a maximum of 6 months break when I was younger due to overtraining once and groin injury the second time. I had always had a constant rush of endorphine and dopamine from training. I was never the stressed one, never the worried one, never anxious. ever!

Then your body goes cold turkey. No more activity. whatsoever. Just lie as still as you can, for however long it takes. Maybe 3 weeks, maybe 3 months, maybe 3 years. No one knows. Looking on Youtube and medical websites you see there is no cure, it is chronic and its the death of any sports career. My cortisol started running crazy, my HPA-axis crashed. Welcome stress, anxiety, depression and big loads of feeling sorry for myself. Super sensitive to any opposition, snapping and overreacting to the smallest things, aggression, insomnia, all that fun stuff. And in the middle of it I know that these feelings have no foundation. I have nothing to REALLY worry about. I can walk, work, function. I have family friends, food and a roof. Nothing to really feel down about. So I feel sorry for myself for feeling sorry for myself.

So after a year of trying to desperately return to activity, I gave myself a few good months of doing nothing. I have in this period suffered from severe spleen pain, but this subsided last week. I noticed the stress hormones calmed down as well. I took this as a good sign and went on court for the first time in ages and hit a few balls. It could not have been more than 20 minutes, and not a foot was lifted off the ground. Only my arms flailing randomly with a racket which normally describes my technique quite accurately.

It was like a shot of drugs. A perfect dosage of ecstacy that went straight to the brain and unblocked that clot blocking my flow. I felt actually happy. A strange sensation I had not felt in over a year.. I am an addict. Squash is too big of a part of my life. If 20 min of whacking a rubber ball gives me a fix for the week, how big of a junkie was I before. I have addiction in my genetics, and some family members get their fix elsewhere. But this is my drug. Fuck you Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I will return. In one form or another

Why David Palmer is full off S**t

In 2011 the World Open Squash was held in Rotterdam. After the first few days of qualifying I was one of the players not making it into the main draw, losing to Davide Bianchetti. A few days later, as the squash nerd I am, I arranged a hit at the same club as the championship was being held with a friend who also participated but did not qualify.

Before starting a friendly game to relieve any frustration pressure from losing the match a few days before, I went to the toilet to relieve myself of a different kind of pressure.

Midst of my pressure session (squash pun intended), someone fiercely jabbed the handle of the toilet door, scaring me into cutting my project in half.

He said he needed to go really bad.

I said he could use the other toilet upstairs.

He said he was playing a really important match and he did not have time to run upstairs as he just finished his knock up and only had a 90 second poo break.

Now I can not perform under pressure like that, so I left my project half done.

Now how am I going to react to a situation like this. Start an argument with a heavy methane odour in the air. Complain about invasion of my privacy and cosytitme. Am I going to tell him off through the toilet door?

I opened the door and saw a familiar face, and before I could figure out who he was, he rushed past me. This giant of a squash player probably something in the lines of:"I really had to go, mate", I let it be, because seeing who it was, I am sure it really WAS an important match.

"Gotta go, really gotta go"

David Palmer just chased me out of a private toilet to take advantage of a warm seat and a lack of toilet paper. How he solved that problem, I dont know as I am pretty sure he played his match with both socks on.

Luckily theres a kind of happy end to this story of dirty socks and unfinished business.

Because of my gentleman like behaviour, I am sure 2 kgs or more left Mr.Palmer in those 90 seconds, giving him the perfect Weight-to-Strength ratio to scrape the few last points in an epic 5 game thriller against Thierry Lincou. This set him up to play in The Luxor theatre on the glasscourt in the quarterfinals against Karim Darwish.

David lost the quarterfinals. After the match he announced his retirement from professional squash. I was lucky enough to experience it from the front row A small tear left my eye after his speech, because I knew even though he did not thanked me in his speech, I knew I had something to do with bringing him onto the big stage for his grand finale. no shit

You're welcome Dave

The Squash Physio

For the last 2 years there has been less squash. With that aside, I have been forced to start my own company to support myself.


2 Years of hard work has resulted in a successful practice 30 min drive south of Amsterdam. It is now up and running on its own with full schedules and good reviews. In this time (being obsessed with rankings) I have attained the top ranking of physiotherapists in the region. Going for no1 in Holland, naturally.

My company's vision is a top sport mentality combining physiotherapy and personal training, to not only treat the injury, but keeping the entire body fit and in balance during recovery. There is a lot of training during the rehabilitation with me, and a lot of focus is required to attain the best out of my patients. nothing less is required.

This has proven to be a very successful recipe, bringing in mostly active athletes or everyday people with a love for fitness. I see top level bodybuilders, Fitness athletes, dancers Volleyball, Soccer, Hockey, Ice skating and Squash athletes to mention a few.

I am located inside a Fitness centre that provides me with all the space, tools and equipment I need for all types of recovery and training. Right next to me is a Chiropractor who aids me with treating complex cases and always is willing to provide with a second opinion.

Check out our websites

www.fysio365.net

www.completefysiofitness.com

www.embodyhealth.nl

Let me explain myself

I just reviewed one of my matches from Tromsø PSA closed sattelite a few months back. I showed up still being sick as a social trip and a nice break. I was on court for all my matches to hit some balls, which is nice, but I cant strain my body. Listening to the live commentary, I realized that maybe people don't fully understand what I am going through. I especially worry about the Norwegian Squash Federation who have supported me fully as I was an active professional, but lately have stepped back.

It is called Mononuchleosis, "Mono" for short. Popularly known as kissing disease. It affects the Liver, Spleen, Immune system, and can produce severe nausea, tiredness in a periode between 2 weeks to 12 months. The older you are when you get it, the worse it is. Most people get it when they are young. You normally experience the first period as a bad flu for a week or two along with an enlarged spleen, and after that the immune system needs a complete turnover, and you need complete rest to recover.

After a tough end 2013/start 2014, I took 2 months complete break from squash after returning from my Australian tour. I struggled with motivation during the Australian tour, but still pushed the 3d seed to 5 games, lost to WR49 in another tournament, and won the graded tournament in the last tournament, beating world junior ranked 9 in the world in the quarters, national team Australian junior in semis and a Canadian in the final.

To motivate myself and have something to train towards I signed up for the PSA closed sattelites in Norway in Moss, Stavanger, Kristiansand and Tromsø. 2 months of matchplay prepared me to win both, and I enjoyed playing. A lot of work in Amsterdam prevented me from training as much as I wanted, but I joined the national team training in November. I have not been pushed that hard for a long time, and I clearly had to work harder than the rest of the players. I did not think I could do it, but I made it through the weekend.

Upon my return I felt a bit reduced, but thats normal after a hard weekend. In that week I felt like a small flu coming, but it didnt really hit me. I had to play the third PSA in Kristiansand soonly after the national squad. My first 2 matches went fine although I did not feel great. In the semi finals I had to push, and I made it barely through. when warming up for the final, I felt it. Hot flushes and a flu like feeling. I tried pushing through it in the final but the body didnt respond.

Over the christmas period I tried taking breaks and start training slowly, but every time I felt ill, had to rest 1 week, then try again. It continued like this until February. Then I had a hard session with 2 PSA players Tuesday morning. Tuesday evening I was yellow in my face (liver) and got knocked out with the flu. 1 week out. Stupid me started training again. Same Tuesday session with the boys. Same result. 1 week flu. My girlfriend had struggled with illness and tiredness since before christmas as well, and went to the doctor several times. Mono was already suspected. Her tests came back inconclusive.

When I could not recover, I went to the doctor to get it diagnosed, and it was pretty clear. My spleen was in a very bad state. For months I got sick only walking the stairs (no joke) and any rising of the pulse got me straight away. This took months before I felt slightly better. months doing absolutely nothing. only sleep 12 hours a day and work. sometimes sleeping inbetween patient visits. Its the worst thing if I have to cancel my patient appointments.

I already booked the Tromsø trip a long time back, before I knew I had Mono. I assumed I would recover and be ready in time, to at least participate. I had to cancel the European Chammpionships, and assumed I would not go to Tromsø. But I talked to the tournament organizors, and they still wanted me to come up. I agreed to come and join the draw, but made it clear I could not move. Maybe they thought I was exaggarating. in this period I started feeling a it better, so I wanted to see if I could start training again slowly. My body was aching to hit some balls again.

Because of the liver working overtime during mono, you should not drink alcohol at all. Im a clever and stubborn man who ignored this for that weekend, and enjoyed myself until early morning. The paradox is that I felt great the next day and the coming week. I hoped I was rid of it now, so I started training again, 50% offcourse, but still every 2 days for about 1 hour. The following 2 weekends there was some pretty heavy partying as well. In the end...it was too much. My body shut down again and for 2 weeks I was in bed. The spleen swelled up again and back to 12 hrs sleep and no energy. So I am now back to doing NOTHING. 1 month has passed, and I am now feeling somewhat normal again, but will not start moving the corpse until September, earliest. They say you will be rid it for sure after 1  year, so November 2015, I will hopefully be able to move on a squashcourt again.

As a squashplayer, I believe I have fully found myself. After years of experience, trying and failing and funneling down mental, physical and tactical strategies, I have now found the player I am. The best possible player I can be. All I need is the fitness and match training. I have a good physical foundation, so hopefully it wont take me too long to return. Already I have lost 5 kgs muscle and gained 2% bodyfat. I am foamrolling and stretching like crazy to make sure the muscles dont seize up and I will return just to injur again straight away. The national championships in January will be a longshot, but hopefully I will be ready for the European championships next year.